Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Why am I blogging?

Lewis Carroll said... “If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.”...

Well I'm hoping the road I'm on will get me to that mysterious place known as "Me"...

This blog is about my journey on this hilly, pot-holey road to "Me" and my eternal quest to beat and leave behind the demons of depression, procrastination, low self esteem, weight issues and the many others that jump in my path and hitch a ride - making my load all that heavier to bear...

I have always struggled with the inclination and motivation required to keep a tidy and ordered home. I have the worlds' greatest intentions and could instruct you in great detail in how to maintain a clean, tidy and organised home - it's the implementation I struggle with. I truly am the Queen of Excuses and Procrastination. (I reign over both Kingdoms in most everything I do....)

Money/Financial Security:
We are both terrible with money - neither of us ever really being taught how best to manage it and both of us with our own sabateur ways of keeping us in the "one pay to the next" category.... We also both deal with some deep emotional issues in very different ways - (as do most men and women) - and sometimes it seems our paths are not even within eyeshot of one another and at other times they merge very smoothly...

This blog will no doubt touch the subject of parenting our very bright and intelligent 4 year old girl and placid easy going baby boy. It will also no doubt touch on our ideals of family life and the harsh reality and how different they can often be! I may need to vent about the trials and tribulations surrounding both my expectations of motherhood and the reality of motherhood. (Two very different things apparently!) And just generally all that goes with being a mum.

My husband (AJ) and I have been together since June 2004, our beautiful daughter (MJ) arrived November 2007, we married in February 2009 and we were finally blessed with a second child, a son (our Tubs) in April 2011. We are often challenged by our ever changing relationship but one thing will always remain true on this road though, and that is that we both love and adore our children. In this we are united.

I have had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I have issues surrounding my feelings of abandonment and rejection by "family". I was treated with medication after suicide attempts in my early twenties but in recent years I have self managed for some time with the support and connection with my doctor and psychologist and of course my husband - although he admits to not being able to really tolerate or understand my issues - he tries.

My physical health and wellbeing that naturally impacts greatly on my emotional health and wellbeing and my attempts to gain a healthy (and healthy sized) body. I have always been in the "obese" category and it seems the older I get the bigger I get. I may broach on fertility issues surrounding my (2009) diagnosis of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome and how the affect that had on our ability to add to our family - and the stressors and issues that brings about also.

Study/Self Improvment
I graduated from year 12 in 1996 - I went straight to Uni and began a Bachelor in Early Childhood Education - 3 years later I was struck with depression and the realisation that I had spent over 12 years of my life in the education system - then the 3 years studying it at University and I intended to spend the rest of my life in a classroom. Of course in hindsight - I can see how narrow minded and niave that view was - but at the time "dropping out" was the best thing I did. (Just don't look at my HECS debt!)

Funnily enough I ended up working in Education anyways - in various forms and roles - generally I discovered that I enjoyed working with individuals and seeing them progress through hardships, trials and tribulations and shining a light on the path they chose.

One day I hope to return to study and complete a Bachelor of Human Services with a Major in Counselling. I have no end date in sight - I'm just going to plod along at it and rebuild my confidence in academic learning and self discovery. This blog will no doubt brush on that occasionally.

That's a fair introduction to the demons that hitch a ride on my back while I wander the road named "Me"... I'm sure many more will surface as I clear the debris and trudge along... I hope you will join me - bolster in times of stuggle and celebrate with me in times of joy and share with me your own challenges and joys.


PS. Please leave comments, feedback and questions - I'll even tolerate the occasional wisecrack! lol

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